Wow, this Mercury Retrograde pulled a number on me. I have heard about Mercury in Retrograde my entire life. My Mom was an astrologer and would never let me do anything until Mercury went direct. I usually try not to let it phase me, but this time, it got me. I have been feeling…. depressed lately. The word "depressed" makes me depressed and a little embarrassed. I have been isolating and not wanting to communicate my needs or feelings with anyone. As my loving angels do, they sent me a message. I asked, what do I need to do to get out of this funk? "Let yourself receive," is what they said.
Let me provide a little background story here. I don't like to ask for help. I do not want to burden anyone or take anyone's time. I have learned through my years in Alanon (www.al-anon.org) that alcoholism takes a heavy toll on our self-worth leading us to feel paralyzed when reaching out for help. Knowing this, it doesn't get any easier. This old belief of not being worthy along with my fears of being a depressed person left me unable to pick up the phone.
I do not fully understand what depression is. My experience with depression comes from my Mother. Growing up my mom was always depressed, had anxiety and isolated in her room sleeping. It was so frustrating to me as a young kid because I just wanted to scream, "Suck it up! Get over it, just be my Mom." I didn't understand what she was going through as a single mom. And I knew her depression led to her battle with alcohol. It just hurt me. I vowed to never be a depressed person. I could white knuckle through anything. And everything will be fine.
These feelings of anxiety and depression are confusing to me because everything in my life is going pretty well. I have a lot of wonderful gifts unfolding, and I am excited! But, I cannot sleep, and at the same time, I cannot get myself up in the morning. My heart feels heavy and my stomach is upset. I feel sad. How can I reach out for help when I can't even articulate what I am feeling? I was able to pinpoint three reasons that led to this depression that will be talked about in my book.
It is okay for me to receive. And I don't have to be perfectly imperfect to ask for help and receive help. After talking it over with my angels who helped me to see I am worthy of assistance without any strings attached or any costs, I was able to reach out to some friends and mentors to reason things out. The angel card that was presented to me was, "Let Yourself Receive. Allow others to give you loving care. Receive without guilt and apologies." (From Doreen Virtue's Magical Mermaids and Dolphins Oracle Cards) Once I made that one outreach call that I was so dreading, I felt immensely better. Weight was lifted, and I could breathe again. And! These beautiful people did not want anything in return!
It was brought to my attention that my reaching out to others for help, not only helps me, but it helps them too. It allows for them to receive the same joy I do when I help others. It is a mutually beneficial exchange of hope and strength. Not only that, I felt more connected to these people that were so willing to listen. Picking up the phone to ask for help is probably always going to be difficult for me, but after realizing that I don't have to suffer alone and for too long, it will get easier with each attempt.
News to share!
*If you had had a chance, my new article with Soul & Spirit Magazine is out! buff.ly/27iVU8J
*As a part of Soul & Spirit Magazine's July issue giveaways I will be featured as one of the prizes! You can enter to win a 12-month email reading with me. UK residents only.
*I leave June 1st for Gabby Bernstein's Spirit Junkie Master Class in New York City! I am beyond excited! Stay tuned for the next blog about the miracles that unfold while there.