“Forgive yourself and others. Let go of the old story. Release any guilt and blame. Everyone is doing the best they can. This includes you. Kick-start the healing process by surrendering all the judgment and hurt. Your health and happiness will thank you.”
Something I struggled with for the longest time is forgiveness. Today, I can still wrestle with it when I am not paying attention to my inner guidance. How can I forgive the people who I had been waiting for an apology my whole life? It just didn't seem fair. I didn't want to turn a blind eye to the unacceptable behavior. It wasn't until I started Alanon 10 years ago that I learned that forgiveness wasn't for the other person, it was for me.
Have you ever heard that resentments are like taking poison and expecting the other person to die?
"Those who are free from resentful thoughts, surely find peace."
When I hold on to anger, fear and grudges, I am doing a disservice to my spirit. It also doesn't allow me to heal when I am paralyzed in the victimhood of the past. By letting go of my victim mindset, I will find peace and serenity. I don't know about you, but I aim to be a healer and share my light with others, but I can't do that unless I am healing myself. I am not healing when I am clutching on to resentment as a form of power and control. When I can let go of my resentments, I will find freedom.
In Gabby Bernstein's Spirit Junkie Masterclass I learned that judgment of others was revealing a hidden shadow of myself. So, I need to ask myself, "what do I need to heal?" My relationship with my Mother. But, first, the person I needed to forgive was myself. For me to do this, I needed to recognize that I am only human and I am doing the best I can. I must have compassion for myself, no matter what I have done and the amount of shame I feel. By acknowledging my humanness, I was able to recognize the same in my Mother and others I needed to forgive. When I looked past my judgment of the behavior of an individual, then I could see in them what I see in myself, a soul that needs compassion, respect and unconditional love. The most forgiving thing I can do is to put down my self-righteousness in judging others and behave in a way that is more in line with spirit.
I began to practice radical self-care. Self-care was a way for me put the focus on myself and less on my judgment of others. I talk with my angels daily to help me to see that I am worthy of love, respect and forgiveness. I ask them to help me move past the pain and move into happiness. Yogi Bhajan says, "That the key to being the master of your own mind is to forgive yourself." My kundalini yoga practice has encouraged me to focus on my healing and to take the time to check in with my energy. Am I holding on to resentments or am I willing to let go and forgive another? What also helped me to forgive myself was writing down in my journal three things every day that I did well. Focusing on my loving qualities kept me in my power and attracted peace. If I could see this love in myself; I could see it in others.
I love my Mom with all my heart. She raised my three siblings and me all on her own when she was 29 years old. If it wasn't for the work I have done in Alanon and my connection with my angels and spirit, I don't think I would have been able to forgive my mom. Before Alanon, I waited and waited for my Mom to get sober and apologize to me. "How could she do this to me if she loved me?" In Alanon, I learned that Alcoholism is a disease. I didn't cause it; I couldn't control, and I cannot cure it; certainly not as a little girl, and not today or ever. Once the responsibility of my Mother was lifted, I was able to focus on my life and have compassion for hers. She did the best she could. She loves me. I love her. With all that love comes forgiveness and acceptance. It really does start with love.
The ability to forgive gave me the freedom from my despair. It lightened my heavy heart. It is healing me. And now, I can help others. When helping them, I will continue to alleviate my healing journey.
"I forgive everyone in my past for all the perceived wrongs.