For my Life Project for Kundalini Yoga Teacher Training Level 2, Conscious Communication, I wanted to work on giving up the need for approval seeking behavior from those of influence. I often find myself piping up around certain people, or tagging my teachers of influence in my Social Media posts for some version of acceptance. I have yearned for approval even before being in an arena where I have access to people who could really help me in a big way. The meditation we were assigned was the Breaking the Mask Meditation for 90 days in a row for 31 mins, every day.
The Breaking the Mask meditation was perfect for my life project. In Yogi Bhajan’s lecture from 11/11/83, ( notice the 1111!!!) he said, The hidden-self has a hidden agenda. It creates an imaginary personality to satisfy that agenda based on beliefs about the self and the world that are acquired at an early age. This is so spot on for me. Through this meditation, I was able to confront why I am this way. I discovered it was because I was always seeking approval from teachers or coaches that I wasn’t getting at home, often requiring me to be “on” all the time.
I took this behavior into my adult life wanting approval and appreciation for everything I did. In some ways, I was able to shed this through the process of writing my spiritual memoir, Came to Believe, a Journey of Trust, Faith and Perseverance, I was completely vulnerable and authentic in the book, even when it terrified me. I wrote it in an unapologetically without censoring myself to the feelings and opinions of others. Being able to do this was a gift from my connection to a Higher Power.
The Breaking the Mask meditation helps you to get out of your ego and connect on a deeper level with God and Spirit. Only having imperfectly completed the meditation for 70 plus days by the time my book launch party took place, I already saw the benefits. I was able to show up for MYSELF in a big way. I spoke with confidence, ease, balance, and grace without any concern of who it may impress in the audience. My heart was open, and fear was silenced. It was fantastic!
I later asked a spiritual teacher of mine, Rha Goddess, at her Mediprenure event in Los Angeles, "I find myself in a pickle. I want my book to reach the masses. For me to do this, I need to put myself out there in front of influencers. But, something I am working on is giving up the need to seek approval from those of influence."
She responded, “Your problem isn’t seeking approval and help from those of influence. Many authors needed help from others more famous than them. You need to be okay with the, “NO,” they give you when you ask for help.
Wow. My mind was blown. This was true. As long as I came from a place of authenticity and heart, I will always be guided in one way or another. Approval seeking behavior is something I will always struggle with. The good news is that it helps to put the focus on myself and my healing. It’s a mirror telling me, there is still work to do. There is always more healing work to do. And there I go. :)